Southfork: There’s no place like home.

*SPOILER ALERT*

Hey guys,

As promised, here is my write-up of this week’s Dallas (episode six, ‘The Enemy of My Enemy’). There are a few cheeky awards too (at the end of the post), which I hope you’ll enjoy.

It all started out quite pleasantly, with an aerial view of Southfork and rolling greenery depicting a serene setting. Boy was I wrong. This was just the calm before the storm and fireworks galore in this corker of an episode. JR had absconded to Las Vegas to dig the dirt on Cliff Barnes and John Ross had moved into Southfork (or the hornet’s nest as he so quaintly put it). Can this guy ever catch a break? He was also getting it in the neck from both Christopher and a Mexican heavy named Vicente (also the campest villain I have seen in a long time) and Rebecca’s stint as lowly admin assistant had paid off. Having unearthed an important mineral rights trust deed (no pun intended), she promptly skipped along to Southfork and handed the game-changing document to her estranged in-laws. It may have been a bid to redeem herself but my God, does the woman have no sense of loyalty? Deceiving firstly her husband then brother, the charming yet fickle Little Miss Betrayal aka Rebecca seems to go along with the flavour of the month. Still, I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor mite, as she proclaimed her pregnancy to ‘Two-Expression-Tommy’ (bless him, he really does have only two expressions – angry and smirky).

Meanwhile John Ross and Elena looked more like a proper couple, cue cosy dinners and morning shots of the actors looking impossibly beautiful (I wish I looked like that when I rolled out of bed). In other news, Ann called in a favour with the dodgier-than-Dillinger Harris Ryland and Bobby showed some gumption and erm, bitch-slapped said ex-husband. Plus John Ross kicked his potential stalker girlfriend to the kerb. From previous episodes we know that Marta Del Sol / Veronica Martinez had mental issues. There really was no doubt as to her fragile mental state (her manic glowering could scare the devil himself). It was one of the strongest episodes so far, which ended with a gloating Christopher telling John Ross he could no longer drill on Southfork with the emergence of the mineral rights trust (told ya it was an important document).

No series is perfect (except ITV’s adaptation of Agatha Christie’s Poirot). Yet there is so much that is commendable about Dallas, from its slick production to arresting cinematography. The edgy score ratchets the tension perfectly, the dialogue is deliciously barbed and the stylists / costume designers know exactly what they are doing. I’m loving the series so far and suspect and hope that it’ll be around for a long time. In years to come, I wonder who will play the next generation. As the next episode airs in the UK next Wednesday, I’ll be posting a write-up by Thursday. Ideas for future posts include ‘Ultimate Dallas Bad Boy’ and a fashion feature too. What would you like to see me write about? Who do you loathe? Are you Team Bobby or Team JR? I would love to hear what you think. Have a great day y’all!

Cheeky Awards:

Highlight: JR being holed up in Vegas whilst enjoying the company of various masseuses. He still gets the best lines as he said of Cliff Barnes: “For a chance to make money of me, Cliff Barnes would push his momma in a puddle of piranhas.”

Burn moment: Marta Del Sol and John Ross’s exchange: MDS: “We could go away together.” John Ross: “I wouldn’t want to go across the street with you.”

Sucker Punch Line: Christopher to John Ross: “As of right now were shutting your drill down. No blackmail, no payoffs, no fraud. You’re beat cuz, fair and square.”

Person Whose Outfit You’d Most Like To See Crumpled On Your Bedroom Floor (aka Sexiest Character for those who haven’t had their caffeine fix): Josh Henderson. Need I say more?

Dastardly Deed of the Day: Little Miss Betrayal Rebecca Ewing. Don’t be fooled by her lip-quivering, butter-wouldn’t-melt-demeanour.

Man / Woman Of The Match: Bobby, for expert delivery of previously mentioned bitch-slap.

 

 

Ax

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